Wednesday, May 2, 2007

I am gay, what should I do?


This is my first entry of my gay journal. The reason I share my thoughts on this blog because I don’t have anyone else to share my story with. It is hard to be gay when people acknowledge you as a straight man. When I was six, it was my first gay arousal experience that I accidentally entered a changing room and saw a man with his undies on. I just felt that I wanted to see it again and again without knowing what the feeling really was. As I grew up, the feeling towards male was getting stronger and stronger. Honestly, I didn't feel uneasy of being gay because it grew with me. Since it was not something that appeared instantly. The only problem is that I am alone. No one knows who I am exactly. It is just too much for me, to pour everything on my first entry. Just to let you know, I am in my twentieth, single (read: never have a date before) and virgin. I don't want to live in a denial but how I am going to face the world when they know that I am gay. Will they change their perspective for who I am? I am really afraid to know the answer. Let's see what happened in the future. As we become mature day by day, maybe someday I will have the answer when I am really ready. At last, this is just an ordinary blog about gay boy who doesn't know what to do with his sexuality and I want to see how this blog will tag me along to the next level in the queer world.

4 comments:

Sevban said...

i think u r not a gay

imnotimsomniacbuticantsleep said...

sad

Mirabel said...

Great work.

ninz13 said...

hey there!:-)i know how it feels living in a world pretending to be someone. it sucks!really, and everytime someone will talk about sexuality and the like you cant help but to feel out of place (especially if it is a straight talk, you know?)but don't be sad, as long as you hurt no one, and you are happy, live your life the way you think is right. I am gay, but one thing that differ me from you is that my family knew about it, and they were the one in denial.LOL anyway my comment is getting long already.BTW, just for you to know this is the first time i leave a comment in a blog, its because i adore you for being strong amidst your sexuality issue...everything has its right time!...:-)be happy!