This is my first entry of my gay journal. The reason I share my thoughts on this blog because I don’t have anyone else to share my story with. It is hard to be gay when people acknowledge you as a straight man. When I was six, it was my first gay arousal experience that I accidentally entered a changing room and saw a man with his undies on. I just felt that I wanted to see it again and again without knowing what the feeling really was. As I grew up, the feeling towards male was getting stronger and stronger. Honestly, I didn't feel uneasy of being gay because it grew with me. Since it was not something that appeared instantly. The only problem is that I am alone. No one knows who I am exactly. It is just too much for me, to pour everything on my first entry. Just to let you know, I am in my twentieth, single (read: never have a date before) and virgin. I don't want to live in a denial but how I am going to face the world when they know that I am gay. Will they change their perspective for who I am? I am really afraid to know the answer. Let's see what happened in the future. As we become mature day by day, maybe someday I will have the answer when I am really ready. At last, this is just an ordinary blog about gay boy who doesn't know what to do with his sexuality and I want to see how this blog will tag me along to the next level in the queer world.