Thursday, May 10, 2007
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
Monday, May 7, 2007
Saturday, May 5, 2007
Thursday, May 3, 2007
First of all, I love my family. There is nothing in this world that can replace their positions. As I am the only son and raised in Asian family background. I would be expected to marry a wife, have babies and carry on the family name to the next generations. Considering I am gay, should I able to carry on this task? I can't imagine what my family will react when they know that I am gay. I still remember that my mom once told me if she had a son that was gay, she would go crazy. Mom, I really love you and I don't want anything happen to you, but I am the one that might cause you go insane. Will you still love me when you know the truth? To my Dad, he is the everything that keeps this family survive. He is strong. Anyway, something happened between him and I for the past few years and now we are getting better and better. I would expect that my Dad won't be so frustrated as my mom if he knew that I was gay. Because he always say he will be happy as long as I am happy so do my mom. Just I think my mom won't accept the fact easily. For my sister, I won't worry so much as she has already had her own family to worry about. So the only concerns is: should I act as a heterosexual just to keep my family knows that they have a straight boy in the house? Living in a denial is nothing but struggling.
I really like coming out stories. Different people have their own unique ways in telling the truth to the world. But for me, coming out is impossible for me at least for the time being. Otherwise, If there is a guy out there that really love me and I love him too. I will take the risks and confess to my family straight away. But, is there really a Mr.Right waiting for me??A big question mark though....Have you found yours?
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
This is my first entry of my gay journal. The reason I share my thoughts on this blog because I don’t have anyone else to share my story with. It is hard to be gay when people acknowledge you as a straight man. When I was six, it was my first gay arousal experience that I accidentally entered a changing room and saw a man with his undies on. I just felt that I wanted to see it again and again without knowing what the feeling really was. As I grew up, the feeling towards male was getting stronger and stronger. Honestly, I didn't feel uneasy of being gay because it grew with me. Since it was not something that appeared instantly. The only problem is that I am alone. No one knows who I am exactly. It is just too much for me, to pour everything on my first entry. Just to let you know, I am in my twentieth, single (read: never have a date before) and virgin. I don't want to live in a denial but how I am going to face the world when they know that I am gay. Will they change their perspective for who I am? I am really afraid to know the answer. Let's see what happened in the future. As we become mature day by day, maybe someday I will have the answer when I am really ready. At last, this is just an ordinary blog about gay boy who doesn't know what to do with his sexuality and I want to see how this blog will tag me along to the next level in the queer world.